Relationship tips: How to improve the relationship between mother and child
Relationship tips-The effective bond that is established between mothers and children is essential for the subsequent psychological, emotional and social development of minors. Through this bond the emotional world of the little ones is regulated. Besides facilitating the future establishment of the relationships with the others. This linkage acts as a protective factor, provided it is established in a healthy, safe and stable manner.
There are many formulas that can facilitate the establishment of a secure type of attachment between mothers and children. For example, that the attachment figure has a good repertoire of personal emotional management tools will involve the development of a reference model for managing emotions. It is important that children perceive the physical and, above all, emotional availability of the mother in any situation that they interpret as stressful or dangerous.
This relationship tips can be strengthened through numerous behaviors such as shared play. The management of conflicts in a climate of serene and dialogue communication and the existence of a system of flexible. And firm rules that help to frame the child in his / her position in the family and in the world, says Lucia Martin Duenas general health psychologist. And EMDR therapist at the TAP Center. Advanced Psychological Treatment.
Therefore, any situation that generates in the child the feeling of feeling felt, cared for, accompanied. And safe will mean a strengthening of the bond between mothers and children.
The link requires affection, but also encouragement to distance oneself from what can leave the child trapped says Jose Ramon Ubieto, psychoanalyst at the Open University of Catalonia (UOC) .
Influences in the mother-child relationship tips
It is known that human beings have a genetic predisposition on which fathers and mothers can not intervene. But, in addition, people have a psychological predisposition on which mothers intervene even before their children are born. In this sense, the experiences lived, the received educational guidelines, the internalized norms.
The way in which the developed moral values and principles have been transferred, the self-concept itself. The way in which the achieved achievements have been reinforced. Or punished the mistakes made directly influence the development of the children’s personality, says the expert from the TAP Center.
In addition, the opinion that mothers have of their children directly influences the creation of their self-concept.
On the other hand, mothers are building their maternal role parallel to the development of the children’s personality. This double construction implies the need to assimilate personal, relational. And emotional needs for the subsequent adaptation and mutual knowledge between mothers and children.
What we pass on to our children is very important, with words and with our way of doing things. Then there are the vicissitudes of life. That is, those vital hazards as losses and ruptures. And the third element is the decisions that each one is already taking early.
What conflicts usually arise between mothers and children?
The conflicts that arise between mothers and children are not very different from those that appear between adults, says Martin, adding that the evolutionary moment in which the son or daughter is located will determine the degree of responsibility in the conflict and in the solution of it.
During childhood , mothers often learn to manage the tantrums that children have in the face of specific refusals to their desires. Or caused by the difficulty of incorporating new behaviors or responsibilities hitherto unknown to them.
As they grow, conflicts take on another aspect. During adolescence, it is common to find conflicts that begin to show the difference of criteria with adults, and also desires to be more autonomous and freer when they do not yet have that power to be. It is a delicate period because both mothers and children learn to know each other and understand that they are different. There is a need to adjust expectations about the people we love.
In this stage, the way in which the problems are solved is determinant : the language used (verbal and non-verbal) and the messages transmitted . Sometimes, this can last over time. And being adults certain relational dynamics remain unresolved when the concrete keys are not acquired to be able to solve it.
For his part, Ubieto says that conflicts are centered on the processes of separation that imply for mother and child to accept that this link cannot be total and closed. How to separate in a good way and accept it for both is the key. Acquire habits and autonomy in cleaning and studies. As well as sharing responsibilities.
How to solve clashes
According to the UOC psychoanalyst, one must always address the adult who is latent in each child. That does not mean treating them as adults. But expecting the best from them and not avoiding efforts they can make. Teach them the most desirable thing in life. And at the same time, help them limit their excesses and dependencies by prohibiting when necessary. Children do not self-regulate, they need our accompaniment.
First of all, it is important that each party assume responsibility for the conflict, emphasizes the psychologist of the TAP Center. Assertive communication is the most effective formula for resolving any discussion provided that the needs of both parties are clear. Obviously, the assumption of responsibility in the management of the problem will be adjusted to the evolutionary moment in which the child is found.
Thus, Martin specifies that there are more concrete keys. Both for mothers and children, that can help solve problems:
- Recognize what emotion is being felt at that moment.
- Being able to manage that emotion individually (for example, taking a reasonable distance to subsequently resolve the conflict).
- Empathize with the other party.
- Have a good predisposition for resolution.
In this way, concludes the psychologist. It is intended that conflicts be seen and experienced as an opportunity for learning, maturation and change. And not as something painful that is better to avoid or get entangled in the form of power struggle. Facing actively the resolution of the conflict is always beneficial so that the relationship between mothers and fathers and children is lasting over time.