When parents spoil a wedding
A dream holiday and a better day of life can go awry. And, to be honest, parents are sometimes to blame for this. What troubles can happen at the spoil a wedding and how can they be avoided?
Often, the spoil a wedding is exactly what the newlyweds dreamed about. But sometimes it turns into a nightmare and leaves bitter memories for both the young couple and the guests. “It’s been four years already, and unpleasant memories and anger at the parents have remained,” writes on one of the Happy Cat forums. Her parents and the groom’s family ignored the wishes of the young and organized the wedding at their discretion. – A summer holiday in some wretched dining room with tables in the shape of the letter “P”. Instead of a carriage and white horses, the most common motorcade is from cars. And a terrible sludge from the fact that I was spoiled the whole holiday. ”
DAY OF UNREST PRESENT SPOIL A WEDDING
On this day the slightest detail, from the cut of the dress to the color of the tablecloth, acquires a symbolic meaning. If this emotional tension has a positive charge, then the newlyweds are in harmony with the environment. But it happens the other way round: a happy event turns into tears. Disputes about who to invite, troubles with outfits, small taunts, and big mistakes, parents who want to decide everything … Read more: WHAT DOES THE WEDDING DREAM ABOUT?
“Marriage is a special moment in the life of parents,” says psychologist Melodic Signal. – They cease to be the center of the world for their offspring, children completely get out of their power. This is symbolized by the ceremony of marriage. If parents are not ready to accept this demonstration of independence, their actions can interfere with the young and even be humiliating. ”
The 23-year-old Anton talks about the embarrassing situation at the spoil a wedding, which he recently visited: the mother of the bride was obviously happy to share this moment with her daughter and put on a white dress, even more, beautiful and magnificent than the one in which the bride was. Read more: 10 things you should discuss before the wedding
45-year-old Lisa describes another case with a dress: “My stepmother wore all black. Before entering the church, she whispered to me: “I’m in mourning.” How cute!”
The marriage of a child is an important event in the life of every parent. And often it becomes a catalyst – all the previous difficulties come to the surface again. Misunderstandings, stress and what Melodic Signal calls the “searchlight effect” aimed at the newlyweds, often affect the communication of the main characters.
DISAGREEMENTS ARE INEVITABLE?
“Family members should put aside all the existing grievances for just one day, but sometimes fatigue from cooking in combination with a couple of glasses of alcohol spoils everything,” the psychologist notes.
39-year-old Caroline will remember the speech at the wedding of one of her friends, which the bride’s father said: “I am happy, my daughter, that you have chosen a good husband. A good husband of the white race! ”
The father of a happy bride did not perform better at another wedding, which was described by a friend of the newlyweds Iris: in his speech he paid close attention to the moment of conception of his daughter.
“A few years ago I was at a very strange wedding,” recalls the 26-year-old Manon. – For food, the bride’s uncle sat too heavily on a chair and broke it. This was the starting point for a wild quarrel between the families of the newly mated couple. The relationship had been strained before, but now the debate has become so violent that the bride eventually left her husband. She did not want to talk to him anymore … ”
What can be done so that the most important day of life does not turn into a family drama?
Psychologist Melodic Signal believes that this kind of tension can easily be foreseen: “It all depends on how the family is acceptable to behave in a stressful situation and how parents deal with it. If they are against this union from the very beginning, it will definitely appear on the wedding day. In general, children know their parents and are well aware of what they are capable of. ”
If in advance to organize a detailed discussion of the upcoming event, this will help resolve most of the conflicts. And thus save a precious day from trouble.
THE BEST STRATEGY FOR THIS DAY IS IGNORING
Wedding causes not only joy but also anxiety – we are instinctively afraid of everything new: will it not be worse, are there any changes for the better?. Therefore, the so-called “wedding neurosis” is natural.
Excitement is looking for an outlet and sometimes is directed to the closest people – the newlyweds begin to quarrel. Often, the oil poured into the fire and their loved ones … What will help to go through the spoil a wedding without quarrels and conflicts? The councils shared a psychologist Trina Slovakia.
In advance, speak clearly and agree on everything: how the wedding will be organized. Structure, predictability calms, reduces anxiety.
Even before the wedding, discuss your fears. Which one of you is afraid of? Fear, called by name, is reduced. It is better to openly tell your partner about your worries. After all, the conclusion of marriage simply implies sufficient trust …
You can conclude a “truce” in advance, so as not to spoil yourself and others such an important day: agree that on this day you will not be in conflict with anything. If someone is dissatisfied with something, let him bring this problem to a discussion later, but not on the day of the wedding.
And do not try to please everyone and make everyone happy. The main thing is that you have a good mood, and then – pleasant nostalgic memory. If there is a conflict between the guests, do not get involved in it. Do not take responsibility for how guests interact with each other. In advance, make an agreement with one of your friends, for example with witnesses, that they assume this role – to settle possible differences.
Do not be fooled by provocation. Wedding causes different emotions, and not always positive. Someone can be jealous, envious, remember their own unfortunate marriage … And because of this, behave towards you passively-aggressively – for example, let go of the “compliment” to the bride: “This dress does not even show that you are complete.” Or even openly show aggression – jealous mother-in-law can tell the bride that she was lucky, but in general, she is not worthy of her son.
Do not aggravate the conflict, however, you are provoked. The best strategy for this day is ignoring.
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